might have beens

Emm has been doing very well since last week and the plastic crisis. Back to her usual spunky self. Ravenous, however, which pleases her mama. Hate it when she suddenly feels like taking on the diet of a sparrow.

There was a prompt at Sunday Scribbles a couple of weeks ago that asked….who might you have been? Which was interesting to think about….all the possibilities. Couldn’t commit to writing about any single one of the ones I’d come up with. So for kicks, I’ll list them here.

Who I might have been if…..

I’d lived out my mother’s fondest dreams for me:

First of all, probably a nurse. She was a nurse, and she’s kind surprised that not one of us followed her into the profession. With all of my issues and phobias, fat chance. Though one among my favorite books is this big anatomy book I have for med students, with real color plates of the human body on every page. As in photographs. It’s not as morbid as it sounds….the colors and shapes are beautiful.

Anyway, she never knew what to make of me as a kid and as a creative soul. So she dreamed of a gig for me either making dolls or creating cards for Hallmark. So that is what I’d be if I followed my mother’s dream for me.

I lived out my father’s dreams:

 I’d be an solid, upstanding citizen, probably working for him as an accountant, doing his books, or having a career in law or something like that. I’d almost certainly be married, and his approval would weigh heavily into my choice of a husband. I’d have had a midlife crisis for sure, probably by 30. He didn’t know what to do with artist-me either. But I loved him rotten anyway.

If I had more balls and was less cynical…

I would be an activist. Probably for the environment, or I’d fight poverty.

If I were in a movie…

I’d want to be Anouk Aimee, in La Dolce Vita…so beautiful, sophisticated and slightly decadent. Or Catherine Deneuve in Belle du Jour, with her rich fantasy life and awesome wardrobe. Queen Margot, in Queen Margot…slumming around in beautiful clothes, strolling along the gutter, in pursuit of love. Whatever the case, someone else would definitely be doing all my laundry.

If I were in a book…

Cathy of course, playing with Heathcliff along the moors and heather, torturing him.

If I had been the first thing I’d ever wanted to “be”….

I’d have been a nun. Dear God.

If I followed my farmgirl heart:

 I’d raise llamas and alpacas, a few chickens. Build myself an awesome treehouse to do my writing in (read this book, and you too will want your very own state of the art treehouse. These are not your kiddie’s treehouses. And so much better than a hidey-hole).

And If I had to do it all over again…

well, not too much would have been different. I’d have picked a different school. Always liked Ithaca College in New York…probably study journalism and get involved in their awesome theatre department. Artsy-boho kind of town. They have the nicest little skinny dipping hole there, quite popular. And nice little funky restaurants too.  

Always wondered about a career in Architecture too….you know those aptitude tests they make you take in high school? My scores always pointed toward that sort of career. At the time I thought it was too geeky. Now I wonder….

Sometimes I wish I’d had Emm a little earlier…not sure it would have made much of a difference though.

All in all, no regrets. If I could find someone to do my damned laundry, however….


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August 2006
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